It seems the only way to not be destroyed is to roll with the punches, kicks, etc.but never let them knock you down. Borderline personality disorder is a chronic condition that may include mood instability, difficulty with interpersonal relationships, and high rates of self-injury and suicidal behavior. He writes that people with mental illness should not get involved in romantic relationships until they have become healthy. Jealousy, accusations, rage, violence, destroying my property. She's that kind of person that gets marks on the skin really easily, so she proceeds to call the police. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. When our son was two, she asked me if I am going to marry her eventually. She was cheating on me for over a year, with a number of guys (which I got to know just know). 1) What is a borderline personality disorder? Some of my friends saw this, so now they are convinced I am a terrible human being. If the therapist does not recognize the splitting, the couple becomes stuck in blaming each other. The action you just performed triggered the security solution. They usually attempt to split the therapist against their partner. She forced me to gave all my passwords, and block most of my friends. That she was stressed and had to have a break. I just couldnt. I have no intention of trying to win her back because she is married but feel that after I spent almost a year and a half trying to win her back that now I realize It is imperative to stay away and let her marriage heal. He was non violent and never broke anything. At worst, totally devastating. She was horrible during her pregnancy. We were married and had kids together. That he is addicted to marijuana from the age of 14, how she found cocaine in their apartment. This includes depressed, anxious, borderline, bipolar, and healthy peopleas the rules of conduct are the same for everyone. Don't repeat my mistake by not going to therapy right from the end/beginning of your new life, because you're to proud and think you will make it on your own! When I read stuff like that it makes me feel good because I didn't have to endure stuff like that. Hello Zan, It is good that you allow all to talk and say their piece whether right or wrong and dont remove their posts. They may respond by blaming them, causing the splitting defense to destroy relationships. If a person at any point in time during a relationship gets depressed/diagnosed with a mental illness, that person obviously couldnt predict what was going to happen. I have 10% of friends I had at the beginning of the relationship. Borderline splitting destroys relationships when a person accuses their partner of things because of how they feel, without examining the evidence. I washed him, I made food for him I bought his clothes. When he saw us together, he came took my hand and placed her in her hand. I was raised differently. Thank you for this article, Zan. This website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks. You can email the site owner to let them know you were blocked. I spend the first few days wondering if anything was real. your notes helped me a lot. Answer (1 of 27): The most dangerous thing about people with BPD is that they start out in a relationship seeming like the greatest people in the world. The person with borderline personality disorder can take things the wrong way, often thinking that their partner is putting them down when they are offering feedback. Man. Things you write have a big impact on people. No matter how strong the love and commitment is between both the people, the relationship can still get tiring at times. And kissed her, then kissed me. If you are struggling to understand and move on from a break up, shift your focus off your ex and onto yourself. I got misdiagnosed with BPD, because his constantly abuse. She had already destroyed our entire family by this point, and she never even got the treatment! Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. him for gender violence. Most just justify their actions with their feelings and perceptions (especially false perceptions) and continue to react impulsively to them. This convinced her that I really did cheat on her. While I understand that youre suffering and need to vent, my concern is that you are wasting your energy in public like this. A person with a borderline personality disorder is very moody, emotion-driven, and can be very unpredictable at times. It becomes difficult to see any good in your partner if you are putting your past wounds onto them and making them the person who hurt you. After struggling to save our marriage, I realized that my wife suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). They may have something more sensible to say, but that is not always true either, because psychiatry is not an exact science like somatic diseases. I feel terrible,Ive sent an apologie message but no reply. She took away my son and does she did not let me see him. Funny thing, with Spain, their law is very discriminatory for men. But, with this influence also comes a great responsibility. You can tell a person has a borderline personality disorder when he or she verbally or non-verbally goes to extremes and struggles to remain calm and collected. So, you write that those with mental illness are not worthy of love. I see no evidence that this is a competent therapist or has any Psychological background or knowledge. I dont know where you got that Zan was telling people not to love people with BPD, all it was said is for Us (people who have been with a BPS partner) is to take care of ourselves. They essentially drag their partners into their own battle, make them experience extreme highs and extreme lows, and make their partners dependent on them by giving them affection and taking it away. Thus, a terrible setup for the inevitable breakup. I had to cook or organize food. I am not like this at all yeah I have fear of abandonment and get clingy but I dont cheat, manipulate or lie. The things she do only can have a temporal impact impact in your life. I had to hire a cleaning lady. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Hope you follow what I write. Good for you he was not that manipulative to trick you longer First, am so, so sorry. Every time I get too close to someone, I become vulnerable, and my anxious attachment style bleeds out". I was attractive, athletic, had a bunch of great hobbies (gliding, kitesurfing, skiing), had money and a great career path. So I did. You wrote: "I did it again. I would like to point out that this article is entirely unreferenced. They think the problem is with their partner, so they continuously blame their partners for their mistakes and switch back and forth from a loving and caring person to a hateful and vengeful one. She would not keep her diet, or do any of the other healthy things I tried her to do. Hi everyone Im totally new to this forum so just wanna say a big hello. Here are a few tips on what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship. For years, I suffered from relationship problems with my wife, and I didnt know why. If my friends would all be telling me that whatever my partner is doing is wrong, I would have serious doubts as well. What is your living situation now? They put all the blame and shame on people who are already stigmatized and have great challenges in life. How she found child porn on his laptop, how he forced her to fulfill his sick sexual needs. And there is a 24h court that will assess your position. Your IP: But it was all a lie. Performance & security by Cloudflare. Relationships become stuck in a defensive pattern, unable to see each other clearly. Manage Settings How To Cope With Your Ex Dating Someone New? He is likely cheating!" She said Im a psychopath, destroying everyone at my path and my career is followed by a pile of dead bodies. The other 2 types are narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges. So I did. They are very hard to control and they can be really hurtful and stressful for the other person. It hurts a lot tbh, we dont have a self-inflated ego. Borderlines can be very convincing that their partner is the problem, often persuading the therapist that their partner is to blame for not putting more effort into the relationship. Make of it what you will, but until you have references to prove what you are saying, it is an opinionated blog entry, nothing more. If you are even a minute late, she will lose it on you and say things; as you know, I was sitting here thinking about killing myself because of you. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are usually susceptible and easily upset. My therapist said that my ex maybe had BPD. Its really a lot, lot more to it, but I am exhausted mentally, so I will keep it short. I will write everything down here (its part of my therapy). They made fun of it or thought Im crazy. It will get better! Other toxic types of relationships also follow this unhealthy push-pull, up-and-down pattern as people in toxic relationships also tend to lack control over their actions. Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) use the defense mechanism splitting, which causes them to feel extremes of either good or bad. At work, on a balcony where people could see, in a car on a highway. Has she just begun seeing another man; Does she frequently go on and on about her ex-boyfriend; Does she exhibit erratic behavior that makes absolutely no sense; Take your time to get to know someone before believing they are the one or thinking something is meant to be. Back then, I was a stupid, trustworthy, horny 24-year old. "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). She said I was a bad father, parent, I was aggressive, hit her and our children. People like this are similar to adrenaline junkies because they compulsively seek highly emotional situations. BPD is a type of personality disorder. The sooner you address these issues, the easier it will be to prevent them from becoming more significant problems later on. A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. Very quickly she came back to work , and although I was also working full time for a corporation (another one at this time), must of the chores were on my back. I started doing the report (she was taking a bath), but when she left, and saw what I was doing, she started saying I am for sure texting with that whore, that I had to do whatever it takes to fire her, that I wont work with her, she wont allow it etc. And she was great. You don't really want to die - you just want the pain to stop, and think ending it all might make the pain stop. Your friends and your girlfriend started confirming their suspicion towards each other, fueling their believe that you would be cheating. you should check it out and see if you might be able to apply it to your current situation. Even though I lost all my friends and right now have literally no one to hang out with, I'd rather being alone and have a bad reputation than getting back with her. Whereas if your partner arrives late, he is seen as uncaring or rejecting. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Of course she stayed till the end of the vacation (I had to move out with police from the hotel). I completely agree with this comment. But the main difference is that a healthy person normally learns and improves from the breakup whereas a person with BPD doesnt. Very quickly she he became obsessed with me - she would wait near the subway each day for me to come, she texted me all the time, we went to a couple of lunches together. Im not condoning my ex-wifes behavior and believe people need to be held accountable for their actions. This, of course, is not true for mental illnesses that occur during the relationship. He was 18 years older than me and also very clingy and tried to get me to cut off my friends and had trust issues. Unpopular opinion, I know, but I don't think she will change on her own. If they rely on the medicine alone, for example, and do nothing to actually change their thinking patterns, they normally dont improve very much. It interferes with how you see yourself, others, and the world. RELATED ARTICLE: Borderline Personality And Abuse Cycle. I had to do homework with her kids. so to say they have no remorse for their actions is not only completly wrong, but also a toxic believe to put out on the internet. Was your ex extremely sensitive, reactive, angry, and lacked control over himself or herself during difficult times? if not introduce them to her, this may make her feel a little on ease. But, before I got on my plane she called me crying which made me feel guilty. If you did and you have something to add, comment below. In my opinion, a borderline personality disorder breakup is one of the 3 types of personality disorder breakups that is emotionally and psychologically the most challenging to overcome. In this moment the person with BPD sees everything as bad in the triggering person as if they caused them to feel this way. The best thing you can do is learn from your mistakes, so you dont make them again in future relationships! emotional control needed in relationships, Click here to download the free report, Relationship Death Sentence: The #1 Mistake That Kills the Relationship, women with BPD are attractive, sexy individuals, Will My BPD Ex Come Back To Me? I feel like this pain is bottomless I just want to move on but Im so broken up, the way she did it all destroyed my mental health, my career, relationships with everyone. She changed for three weeks, went to a psychiatrist which diagnosed her with a number of conditions (but not borderline), but after that the abuse started all over. They may not see their actions as destructive. Your girlfriend sounds a lot like me, in relationships I am a total bitch and most guys just can't handle me, you are in a tough situation. BPD is not NPD do some research! My overnight ghosting occurred after I (by mistake) almost caused her and her husband to break up and she split me black for almost a year. Holy shit.you weren't joking when you said it gets worse !!! We are social creatures; healthy relationships are vital to healthy lives. How I am currently the only person that keeps her sane. They dont care about you that much, but deep down they can. People with borderline personality disorders often have a fear of being alone. She said my picture should be next to BPD. I have seen a lot of good men in that situation, they suffer, but win in the end. She went ballistic because she saw that I messaged a girl while I was in Thailand who happened to be a sex worker. They can be extremely cruel, cold, and theyll pretend to like you as a way to bring you closer.closer to your doom! My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. Performance & security by Cloudflare. That I have to help her somehow. There is almost no possible way to get out of this without a sentence. It should be considered a mental illness that affects around 1.5% of people in the United States, 75% of which are women. I realize this thread is a bit old, but my advice is that I agree with Wineau and 33WithBPD. We all react in different ways, some people gamble or exercise or tidy the house excessively to cope, some people have emotional instability like BPD - you can't blame yourself for everything. 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