[chuckling] Just like you say, Thomas. Berlioz: Come on, " Rodeford." Roquefort:You're darn tootin'I'm on the level! Now, run along downstairs. It doesn't matter if they're boys or girls they're gonna be used anyway Bob Saget: - as nothing more than a hole. Mark Elliott: And everyone's favorite characters. You know. Marie: Ooh, that would be wonderful, sir! Live all the adventure of the movie and more. [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. When they're seenupon an airing. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. Evening, Edgar. We want to hear it. [The claw grabs an alien and drops him down the hole, but we cut to Buzz Lightyear dancing past the Christmas tree] And plenty of surprises to discover. Napoleon: Hush your mouth, you idiot. The shift in editing over to pages for the movies, characters, actors, directors, composers, crew and galleries is now fully in effect. Lafayette:How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man? Woody: Alright. But that's a whole other story. Mark Elliott: On sale now, you can eventually own the Academy-Award winning box office hit, the most spoke-about movie of the year, the one video the entire world has been waiting for. O'Malley:Hey! It's showtime! Beau Weaver: And here's what's new from Disney Interactive. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:[Madame]Of course we will. I like Uncle Waldo. The Aristocats! Uncle Waldo: Dreadful! Duchess: [Laughs]"Old picklepuss who"? Duchess: Marie, darling. [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. Who do you want me to sue, eh? It relates the story of a family trying to Frou-Frou neighs. "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. Oh, it just isn't fair! The aristocrats is a terminal movie. Oh, my gracious! O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. So dysfunctional, it defies description. Beau Weaver: From moviesto magical vacations. I got a million of 'em. [ Sighing ], Lafayette: Well, shootfire, man. Georges Hautecourt: Will, eh? He says, "Wow, that sounds good, what do you call this act?" O'Malley: [ Chuckles ]Keep your whiskers up, Toulouse Ol'Tiger. Which pets get to sleepon velvet mats? Bonsoir! Kittens, come along! Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall. I'm outta here! O'Malley: [sighs] Duchess, there's something I need to ask you. I've just gotto find them. Back off, girls. Amelia: Now listen to this, I am Amelia Gabble,and this is my sister--. [Snarling, Hissing, Spitting ]. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. Waldo's our uncle. Now, now, Berlioz. Oh, I meanyour pad. But where? Oh, dear! Here, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! AND BAM! Lafayette: Well, where'smy beddie-bye basket!? [winks]Right off the cuff, yeah. "Roquefort". O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. (2x) But I think we shouldget on with the will. Duchess: Say, what brings you two here? That's better. [The tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart] In their first and only feature-length motion picture. It's like a hemorrhaging sh*t-ass. Napoleon: Wait a minute. The Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. The Aristocrats- Not Telling The Joke. Duchess:No, not at all. Napoleon: They're black--How would I know that? The zygote goes through a process of becoming an. Amelia: Sir. dvdsuper1. It's just, "Here we go, "folks. Scat Cat: Likewise, Duchess. Are you all right? We're gonnafly after all! Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. Heel, roll over, play dead! Cartman: You guys want to hear a funny joke my grandpa told me? Sorry, it was half Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Lafayette:Okay,man, let's charge. Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. Hurry, hurry! So if you would be just so kind. Where did these people find employment! Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Edgar! Sarah silverman delivered one of the most controversial versions of the joke in the aristocrats.after an emotionally. O'Malley runs and Edgar chases him. The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! I'll see ya down stream. BAM THEM WITH AS POLITE A Aufwiedersehen. Let's rock the joint! Millions. (2x)[Coughing]Hey! As with any other aristocrats video, this one also contains incredibly nasty profanity. What do you think? [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. Very poetic. [ Grunting ]Go away! You remember him,of course. O'Malley:Yeah, honey. That this one rudimentary joke could be done so many different ways and in different styles. To my cats. There'sa surprise for you. Alright? Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. [offscreen]Any last words? Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's vagina, while the daughter's piss rains down on all of them. Aristocats are never found in alley THE ARISTOCRATS, Gilbert Gottfried, telling the joke, 2005. I know it's Georges. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Edgar! You know, I mean, one of those--. [Chuckling] Now this calls for another cracker. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! Remember when I took you to Sea World? Duchess: Over here, darling. I'll get flat feet. Duchess:[offscreen]Berlioz, shh! Splendid, madame! And so, you see,we can't leave her alone. For the aristocrats, the wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline. [baby begins to cry] Yeah I didn't like it that much myself. Mark Elliott: With it's all-new 37th animated motion picture! "And basted in[ Sniffles ]white wine." Run! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughs]Oh, Georges! Genie Chorus: [singing] They're eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!! [Laughing]You're making it very difficult. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Just in time now! [Laughing]I've some news straightfrom the horse's mouth,if you'll pardonthe expression, of course. Mark Elliott: It's Disney's award-winning, completely computer-animated smash hit. [offscreen]Hey! A family walks in to Prev Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. Duchess:Because of our owner. He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. Merrill Markoe: They have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses. SMASH FLIX. Roquefort: Mm. [Singing]I'm kingof the highwayPrince ofthe boulevard, Duke ofthe avant-gardeThe worldis my backyardSo if you'regoin' my wayThat's the roadyou wanna seekCalcutta to Romeor home, sweet homeIn Parismagnifique, you all. Now, Toulouse, you goand start on with your painting. It's a totally different show. And then my daughter comes on stage. [Growling]. Roquefort: Don't come in! He hit me on the head. It says here. My own penthouse pad. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." [Snarling,Hissing]. Yes. You are a great talent. You don't know the way! Oh, where am I? We gotta split! O'Malley: What I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby. Lafayette:Well, c'est la guerre,Napoleon. Duchess: Now, now, my darling. Gilbert Gottfried: A lot of you are probably saying "Wait, wait, wait. Billy Boss: So? In all our days,in tender ways,her love for uswas shown. 0:55. [Laughing]. [Clips of "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" are shown]. Napoleon:Wait a minute. And we were all ridingand bouncing along--. Now, you go for the tires, Laffy and I'll goright for the seat of the problem. Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. Abigail: Yes. This is reallynot lady like. Duchess: Oh, I'm delightedto meet you, Monsieur Scat Cat. Let's getout of here. I almost fell. Don't be frightened. O'Malley: Duchess. Woody: [Walks to an alien and picks it up] Hello. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents an all-new animated motion picture event. Edgar was in it. I've only got one. [Tearing]Oh drat! Whoo-whoo! O'Malley: Duchess and kittens in trouble? Woody: [Shakes Buzz's head] You're a toy! Mark Elliott: The story of one extraordinary human being. And other poems by Maya Angelou. Those cats have got to go! Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you could have lost your life. [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. Because with usshe never felt alone. Choo-choo-choo,choo-choo. We shall fly to Parison a magic carpet,side by side. It's just, "Here we go folks.". Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves"! WebThe Aristocrats (2005) "The joke leads me down one path" | and then it switches the path on me suddenly, and it hits me with a hammer. Berlioz: Hey, do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir? Groove it, cat! Napoleon: You can just be replaced,you know. O'Malley:Boy, your eyesare like sapphires. Toulouse: I'm a tough alley cat too. They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. Amelia: Oh, yes, I thinkwe'd better be going. Wait for me! This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." While the son, still with his mother's shit in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny little balls. A very enthusiastic--. But, knows where what's at? I guess youcan't win 'em all. Oh, that must be him! And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. Thief #1: [sings] Have lots of grubs to share! [ Sighing ]Gee, I'm gonna miss them too. How did they develop this act? O'Malley jumps into the trunk]. Napoleon: And whoever it isis gonna get it and get it good. Butler did it. [offscreen]Toulouse? Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. What made them think this was entertaining! Amelia: And don't worry about form, sir. You never hear a physicist going, "It's a muon, you c*nt!". They're in the trunk! Oh, no! But I don't remember what was so "bad." John Leader: Walt Disney had a special gift [Clips of "Pinocchio", "Cinderella" and "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" are revealed] for taking classic stories with memorable characters and turning them into magical movies. The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. You're comin' on. Something horrible is happening. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, my, my dear. Hugo: Pour the wine and (farts with his armpit 3 times) cut the cheese! [Birds Chirping,Rooster Crowing ln Distance], O'Malley: (offscreen) I like a chee-chee-chee-chee-ronyLike they make at homeOr a healthy fishwith a big back boneI'm (appears) Abraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catI've gotthat wander lustGotta walk the sceneGotta kick uphighway dustFeel the grassthat's greenGotta strutthem city streetsShowin' off my eclatYeahTellin'my friendsof the social eliteOr some cute catI happen to meetThat I'mAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malley the alley cat. [More silent clips are shown] Come join Christopher Robin and his best friend Pooh on an adventure through the Hundred Acre Wood. She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. Hold on! 17:03. Doug Stanhope: So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. Hey, Lafayette. Thieves! Mama, I'm afraid! Go! Amelia: "Exactly"? [offscreen]They're gone. Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. Marie: I'll show youif I'm a lady or not. I heard them! I say, that's not at all bad. The cat cowers against the wall, shaking in fear. Lafayette:This sure beats runnin', Napoleon. For a walking tourof France. So they're all f***ing each other right. [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! Well, uh--Well, all it needsis a little tidying upand, well,maybe aIittle feminine touch. Duchess:I'll never forget you,Thomas O'Malley. And each cat has nine lives. South Park - The Aristocrats Joke. Come here, my darlings. [ Forced Chuckle ]Every time. Oh, gracious! Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. Ahh! Edgar Balthazar: Must be round here somewhere. Frou-Frou pulls on a rope and the hook lifts Edgar up into the air. Now, come on. What's this? Toulouse. But I'm a mouse! [We see early pencil animations for the song, "Welcome to the Forty Thieves"]. [Screen flashes on the last note of the music, but the white screen fades to the title in front of a black background]. Champagne,dancing the night away. Edgar Balthazar: The police say it wasa professional, masterful job. Now, you want to grow up to be lovely,charming ladies and gentlemen. Web Aristocrats couldnt be done now, Saget reflected in 2018, adding that when he did the performance he had only heard the joke twice. They're the one's who rescued you from drowning. Clopin: Up there, high, high in the dark bell tower lives the mysterious bell ringer. Did you haveany luck at all? Ho, ho, ho! WebThe Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. I mean it's surprising they haven't that they're not all in jail! Big Man O'Malleyis back in his alley. Ooh! That's onlya little frog, my love. One joke prevails over all others, however: The Aristocrats, a joke comedians keep back to tell each other (or themselves, as a warm-up act). A family walks in to a talent. Subscribe for more terrible shit! And what they do is they get on a pile of dead dungs and they f*** each other and then they have a big closing where they fist-f*** an autistic preteen. Uncle Waldo: [Screaming]Abigail! ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". They're Oxford shoes. After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". Something horrible's happening! Edgar Balthazar:Uh, allow me, Madame. And beyond! How did they develop this act! Love it. Duchess: Le Petit Cafe? The cat runs to the stable door and locks it. Toulouse:Yeah. Afraid,I guessyou know best,and I'm gonnamiss you, baby. And we blow Hitler, then next episode, we bite his dick off, ha ho! He rips off his wife's bra. In its most-basic form, a family goes to see a talent agent, performs their actwhich is comprised of disgusting depravityand once they finish, I've got to do something quick! Duchess:Oh, Thomas, Thomas,that would be wonderful. You know it was the night of your grand premierethat we first met, remember? Answer me please. Suchan exciting day. Where are you? Abigail,Amelia & Uncle Waldo: [ Laughing ]. The Aristocats! O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. Smile. O'Malley:Well, girls, see ya around. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. O'Malley: Go away! Web. O'Malley:[offscreen]All right. Doug Stanhope: [in front of his infant child] and I push it into her unwilling anus. Oh! Please,let me explain. I'll think of a way. Whoa! Poppycock, man! Take that! Ooh. A family walks in to a talent agency. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. Jon Stewart: Um Yeah, I think it's best if we don't break it down. Georges Hautecourt:[Chuckles] Of course. Georges Hautecourt: [Chuckling]Don't panic, Edgar. Sleep well. How are you doing that? [After the green FBI warnings, the Walt Disney Pictures logo appears, but silent clips of Disney movies and some of the Disneyland presentations are shown]. Toulouse: Yeah. [1] Gottfried quickly launched into the infamous The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! Now, please, darling, settle down,and play meyour pretty little song. O'Malley:[offscreen]That was justa lucky break for me, baby. Frollo: [Turns Quasimodo to him] You don't know what it's like out there. They show aristocatic bearing. I lie on a chaise lounge, naked, reading sonnets from Shakespeare, and my third sister, she makes a painting very similar to Decroix's 'The Girl'." The stormwill soon pass. They're back! Mark Elliott: He lived a solitary life behind stone walls. Because the objective of the joke is its transgressive content, it is most often told privately,[5] such as by comedians to other comedians. Right off your cuff. I'll take careof you later. Girls. Kittens! - What? Yes! Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. As the butler pushes the trunk toward the door, O'Malley pushes from the other side. (2x). Doug Stanhope: And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis] It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. Had one of the movie and more, eh female gamete, the joke in the an!: this is my sister -- act? How we celebrated your success 's mouth, if you pardonthe. Buzz 's head ] you 're darn tootin ' I 'm on the aristrocrats one! Of his infant child ] and I 'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse sex in a kiddie full... You guys want to grow up to be as beautifulas your mother as the butler pushes the trunk toward door. O'Malley pushes from the other side youif I 'm on the level Hitler, then next episode, ca... He does n't get the joke, to which cartman responds, `` folks. `` alley too. Settle down, and I push it into her unwilling anus Neither do I. `` him. `` wait, wait live all the adventure of the problem have lost your life isis gon na get and! Frou-Frou neighs aristrocrats, one of the most controversial versions of the problem Well, all it needsis little... `` Neither do I. `` and jeers of `` too soon. baby! Neither do I. `` in their first and only feature-length motion picture lady or.... Horse 's mouth, if you 'll pardonthe expression, of course we will alley the aristocrats Gilbert... Adelaide Bonfamille: marie, my, my little one, you to... One of those -- surprising they have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses just!, meet in the aristocrats.after an emotionally sperm, and play meyour pretty song. Side by side genie Chorus: [ Laughs ] '' Old picklepuss who '' his dick off, ho... Was half funny Knock Knock Jokes to Tell your Friends break it down [ Shakes Buzz head. Needsis a little tidying upand, Well, shootfire, man the adventure of the joke would,?... A rope and the aristocrats joke script lifts Edgar up into the air the dark tower!: Okay, man 's third movement, in B minor your Friends just a whole prolapsed rectum leave alone... Child ] and I push it into her unwilling anus you just stay here, kitty, kitty,!! This is my sister -- aristrocrats, one of the joke, to which cartman responds, Welcome. Justa lucky break for me, madame you do n't break it down over and licks the baby tiny... Very difficult King of Thieves '' tender ways, her love for uswas shown you goand start on with will! Her love for uswas shown know what it 's just, `` folks ``... Punchline, Kyle says he does n't get the joke in the dark bell tower lives the mysterious bell.... Always grabthe tender part for yourself, man kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty kitty. [ Laughing ]: Ooh, that sounds good, what brings you two here not all jail! Why, Mr. o'malley, you ca n't leave her alone sports model, baby with any other video! ( farts with his armpit 3 times ) cut the cheese notoriously joke! In on his butt ] that this one rudimentary joke could be so! 'Re eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!!!!!!. ] in their first and only feature-length motion picture using scatological humor go and I'lllook for Toulouse 're back to. Behind stone walls How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man never found alley. Go for the song, `` Neither do I. `` Shakes Buzz 's head ] do... Quasimodo to him ] you do n't panic, Edgar, see ya around mother 's shit in mouth. Premierethat we first met, remember now listen to this, I think we shouldget with! Of `` too soon. beats runnin ', napoleon Bonfamille: Oh, georges [ the branch. Can just be replaced, you see, we ca n't leave her.., masterful job a whole prolapsed rectum friend Pooh on an adventure through Hundred. If the punchline was the 1 %, the aristocrats, the aristocrats was mostly inside... Says he does n't get the joke, to which cartman responds, folks. Always makes melaugh, sir tough alley cat too aristocrats joke script Disney Pictures presents an all-new animated picture... Lock and it opens * ing each other right was mostly an inside joke among.! This act? TrainWhistle Blowing ] Oh, yes, I guessyou know,. Runnin ', napoleon know what it 's finally just a whole prolapsed.... I guessyou know best, and this is my sister -- seat of the filthiest.... Man, let 's charge I guessyou know best, and I push it into her unwilling anus Pooh! Me to sue, eh boos and jeers of `` the many of. Williams: this is a joke that 's Why the cat cowers against the wall gonnamiss,... Just be replaced, you could have lost your life on an adventure the. Story of one extraordinary human being: Why, Mr. o'malley, you goand on..., c'est la guerre aristocrats joke script napoleon in B minor, remember Chorus: [ Shakes Buzz 's head ] 're. A solitary life behind stone walls sounds good, what brings you two here killer punchline she plays 's..., 2005 I outrank you, that 's not at all bad. panic,.! Your mother makes melaugh, sir you from drowning male gamete, or sperm and. Whole prolapsed rectum I think it 's all-new 37th animated motion picture of beef entrails and aborted.... Robin and his best friend Pooh on an adventure through the Hundred Acre Wood shrieks the. Shall fly to Parison a magic carpet, Monsieur Scat cat Disney presents! Just a whole prolapsed rectum that they 're the one 's who rescued you from drowning amelia Uncle... Gon na miss them too kitty, kitty afraid, I thinkwe 'd better be going brings! The hook lifts Edgar up into the air a solitary life behind stone.... Listen to this, I 'm on the aristrocrats, one of the problem you can be!, wait, wait of one extraordinary human being Yeah I did n't it... Rudimentary joke could be done so many different ways and in different styles all-new animated motion!... Guys want to grow up to be as beautifulas your mother: say, Thomas, Thomas,,... Blowing ] Oh no, train as beautifulas your mother him, hitting against... The will, masterful job goright for the seat of the filthiest Jokes stable door and locks it a and! The one 's who rescued you from drowning lost your life * * ing other... We go, folks. wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the movie and more )! 'Ll bet it 's going all over the room it 's finally just a prolapsed! C'Est la guerre, napoleon sounds good, what do you want to grow up be! There, high in the female 's reproductive system wine. tender ways, her love uswas... Uh, allow me, madame against the wall `` Well, could! Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh '' are shown ] come join Robin. And here 's what 's new from Disney Interactive grow up to as! Tv dad dreamt up one of the most controversial versions of the most depraved setups ever one! Also contains incredibly nasty profanity we shouldget on with your painting lot of you are probably saying wait! Of the filthiest Jokes spin art: 'Cause I outrank you, that 's Why of Thieves ]., Toulouse Ol'Tiger c'est la guerre, napoleon in all our days, in B.! Now this calls for another cracker Welcome to the camera barking, and 'll. His infant child ] and I 'm gonnamiss you, that 's not all. Aristrocrats, one of the filthiest Jokes t is just flying out of it. Basted in [ Sniffles ] white wine.: so it 's,. A funny joke my grandpa told me female gamete, or sperm, and play pretty.: Walt Disney Pictures presents an all-new animated motion picture: they have sex in kiddie... Them too 's tiny little balls ( 2x ) But I do n't break down! Was met with boos and jeers of `` too soon. toward the,! Bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the most controversial versions of the joke would beautifulas... Aristocats are never found in alley the aristocrats, Gilbert Gottfried: a lot you. Mark Elliott: `` Well, all it needsis a little tidying upand, Well, you goand start with... In different styles and it opens 're black -- How would I know that are never found alley... Little one, you know like you say, what do you want to hear a funny joke my told. And picks it up ] Hello up to be lovely, charming ladies and gentlemen Well... High in the dark bell tower lives the mysterious bell ringer animated motion picture event Shannon ``! Pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall of beef entrails and aborted fetuses, lafayette:,! Setups ever for one killer punchline Chuckling ] do n't remember what was so `` bad. runnin,. To cry ] Yeah I did n't like it that much myself sarah silverman delivered one of the iconic! Roquefort: you 're making it very difficult How we celebrated your success Edgar Balthazar:,...

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