The challenge is to rebuild your identity, Sodderland told me when I spoke with her and Robinson by phone from Austin, Texas, earlier this week. When we first see Sodderland in the riveting new Netflix documentary My Beautiful Broken Brain (premiering Friday after a run at SXSW), shes recording herself on her iPhone in the hospital shortly after regaining consciousness. It was a lovely email. She woke up in her east London flat with a blinding headache and. Imanaged to call him and he found mefive minutes later, crouching on the floor outside myflat. Whats not to like? I enjoy our talks so much more these days. So it was worth it? When I didnt respond, she said, Most people cry when I tell them this. The idea was to confront me, in an attempt to get me to improve, but I found it very distressing. Films confused me the glaring shapes hurt my eyes. This interview has been condensed and edited. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. Mrs Tan said: Right now, a year on, my language skill is like a primary three student. My wife had not been feeling well and had slept for over 24 hours. I used it to record what was going on in my new world. I have no idea how I walked down four flights of stairs, orhow I found myself across the street in a hotel, trying to ask the receptionists for help. First I would need to get some money. Sodderland co-directed the multiple award-winning feature film 'My Beautiful Broken Brain' (executive produced by David Lynch), which is her own . One morning, I put the Biro to an empty sheet of paper, and with asudden momentum, my hand began to write the words that Lucy, who is Australian, had dictated: Throw the bloody boomerang back, mate. A phrase! And so began my new life. But he did it in a very collaborative way. On one hand, it's landed a cast of incredibly funny actresses, but on the other, another reboot? But light has atendency to emanate from the darkestplaces. Had I disappeared? She has been commissioned by Channel 4, Netflix, and The Guardian, and nominated for an Emmy Award as well as receiving awards from Wellcome Trust and IDFA Amsterdam. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. I spent a long time constructing a message, and recording what I felt. In the beginning, when I wanted to do a film, my family thought it was really weird, but they still supported me. I had met friends at the pub, headed home around 10pm, watched the news on my laptop and gone to bed. Videos After waking, I was diagnosed with aphasia, which affects your cognition and communication skills, and homonymous hemianopsia-meaning I'dlost almost all the vision in my right eye. UNIRTE AHORA En este documental, descubriremos por qu David Lynch tuvo un papel clave en la recuperacin de Lotje Sodderland. How does he know all this stuff?. I really wanted to discover what my limit-less possibilities were in this new world, but I did find it very challenging as the process took a long time, and I am not a very patient person. Dutch-French filmmaker Lotje Sodderland didn't know young people could suffer from a stroke - until she had one herself in 2011, then aged 34. Videos Apart from the scar under my hair, my face and body were perfectly intact. Lotje Sodderlands long journey to a happy life with what she calls her new brain began early on a November morning in 2011. Speech therapist Goh Huai Zhi shares his understanding of the brain and insights on aphasia recovery. During Aphasia SGs movie event at The Projector in November 2019, she bravely agreed to be a part of the post-show panel on stage to share her experience and answer questions from the public. Apart from the scar under my hair, my face and body were perfectly intact.. Speech therapist Goh Huai Zhi shares his understanding of the brain and insights on aphasia recovery. This is a touchingpersonal story of learning to live with a new self, makinga newlife plan, and the enormous strength and optimism that it takes to achieve this feat. The taxi slid over the speed bumps on the way home; it felt as wild and frightening as a lifeboat on a stormy sea. Lotje Sodderland Sat 22 Nov 2014 02.30 EST Last modified on Fri 1 Dec 2017 12.22 EST A trailer for My Beautiful Broken Brain, Lotje's documentary about her recovery, made with director Sophie. They looked at me with sad eyes; I wished I could say something to assuage their sadness. Want to bookmark your favourite articles and stories to read or reference later? She had finished that bottle some time ago and kept it as a reminder to get a new one on our next trip to Malaysia.. But I try not to get overwhelmed by life, because there is a real beauty to that rawness. La La Land will certainly be different, a musical comedy-drama about a young pianist and an actor played by Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone respectively, This is something of a question mark. I woke to hear a voice debating the benefits andpitfalls of dipping a ginger nut biscuit in tea,and knew I must be in hospital again. I was put on a waiting list and while I waited, received what the NHS calls therapy at home. The seizure is a huge setback that brings Lotje back to earlier stages of recovery. Its impossible to prove alink between the testing and the seizure, and Iwas later told that I was always at a higher risk ofseizures in the first year after a stroke. I took meditation and mindfulness classes at a Buddhist centre near my home. If it feels weird and uncomfortable, well hold off a bit or maybe we just wont do it.. I was just blown away. I put it on Vimeo with a password. Now, after the success of My Beautiful Broken Brain, they see the value of story-telling for brain-injured people. We have noticed that there is an issue with your subscription billing details. You see what happens in the film. And some risks are worth it. Now, I have to be selective about where Ifocus my attention. I worked at an advertising agency that was doing some documentary content, and Sophie was a well-established documentary director who had done several science-based programs and series for the BBC. I was just really reminded of his work. My Beautiful Broken Brain aired on Netflix on March 18, 2016. Filming what was happening to me was fundamental to my recovery. Our relationship professionally really developed once Id had the stroke. I knew who I was, and I recognised my mother and brother -but I didnt know anything else. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. He invited us to this strange, magical event in London a few days later, where they were going to beam him in. While there have been moments of mourning for my old life, my new limitations mean I have been forced to unravel exactly what I was made of. Once a teenage Twin Peaks fan, Sodderland started making small video diaries for the director for fun, not thinking that he'd ever see them. Her vision is also troubling her she sees intense colors. Pretending she was an actor, playing a character in a film, also helped give her distance from the more distressing things she went through in hospital. This footage, which she captured just weeks after waking up from an induced coma, has become part of My Beautiful Broken Brain, a film by Sodderland and Sophie Robinson, which premieres tomorrow on Netflix. Davids always been a massive supporter of the film. But there is real value in my new life: its much more meaningful and focused, and that includes my relationships. Some other friends, however, found it uncomfortable to hang out with an ill person or be around death. (2018). Its such a testament to the power of these phones.LS: Definitely. Sometimes, it is not about choosing to be positive but to understand and acknowledge that you have been hit with a mental condition or illness and working your way out of it is going to be very tough. I use Siri all the time. Midway through filming, Robinson contacted Lynch's agent to try and show him one of these videos and much to their surprise he sent them an email back. A language therapist asked me to write down a story idea, and then to tell her the story using my written notes to guide me. I had regressed. My vision was overcome with lurid green and purple grids. Lotje covers some of the daily challenges that she experienced after sustaining injury to her brain through the stroke, not just with dysphasia and apraxia while communicating through expressive verbal language, reading and writing, but also the memory deficits, confusion, cognitive processing and sensory perception changes, over-sensitivity to It could have happened at any time. I thought, I wonder if hes had a brain hemorrhage? Start your Independent Premium subscription today. PEOPLE 2008.3.10 Text: Lotje Sodderland Vlieger & Vandam comprise Carolien and Hein (respectively), a Dutch husband-and-wife team who's happy union was the result of a friend's casual match-making exploits. It helped me to communicate - sending messages to friends and remembering what questions I wanted to ask the doctors. Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in, When Lotje Sodderland woke up in hospital following a stroke, she charted her recovery by making videos on her iPhone. Do you remember this meeting? 'One of the first things I remember is waking up on a hospital trolley, in an elevator. Thats a start.. Shes quite a memorable person for lots of different reasons, including being a science-based filmmaker whos a woman doing really well. Lotje Sodderlands documentary about her recovery, made with director Sophie Robinson, is now showing at festivals; go to mybeautifulbrokenbrain.com for more information. She woke up in hospital two days later, and once she had her belongings returned to her, found herself reaching for her iPhone and once someone had shown her how to use it again pressing record, Although initially Sodderland was using her phone videos to help her remember all the meetings with doctors, she realised that she also wanted to document what was happening to her. Five years ago, one of those people. She has tried reading childrens books with family, rewatching movies with subtitles on, and browsing cooking blogs. Hopefully the new TV show will offer something a bit less action-orientated and a bit more cerebral, The Bourne series completely went off the boil with Jeremy Renner as its lead, but now both Matt Damon and original director Paul Greengrass are back to steady the ship. I enjoyed the daily trip, and being surrounded by neuroscientists; Iliked the sense of being an active participant, rather than a passive patient. As Mrs Tan became closer with some of the fellow participants, the couple even started a WhatsApp group for them to continue chatting outside of Chit Chat Cafe. Videos My brain no longer had the ability to switch off. Even doing supposedly normal tasks like making a cup of tea or using a cash machine just seemed to have no coherent structure, or logic, for me. As I was filming that first interview, I remember the hairs on my arms sticking on ends, thinking theres something really extraordinary about this woman and everything thats happening. Thedrugs numbed my brain, but I was paranoid and panicked. The surgeon who had removed the blood clot and parts of my brain told me that I had almost total right homonymous hemianopsia avisual field loss (I have no peripheral vision on my right-hand side) and severe aphasia, a communication disorder affecting comprehension and expression. The long-awaited sequel will no doubt do well at the box office, but I'm not sure if the fashion industry is as fertile for satire now as it was in 2001, and the trailer relies too heavily on honouring old gags rather than creating new ones, A new film from Terrence Malick should have been a huge cause for celebration, but Knight of Cups has been swimming in post-Cannes purgatory for months now. Now the resulting documentary - produced by David Lynch - is coming to . I didnt knowhow to rest and allow my thoughts to subside. Her facial grimace betrays how bleak that reality seems to herdespite theattempt to expressthe thought with a smile. When a sudden illness robbed Mrs Tan of her communication abilities, find out how she and her husband sourced for creative ways to recover while continue to enjoy the sweet moments of married life together. A few seconds later she realizes her mistake. After that I just became really interested in his films. Lotje Sodderland's long journey to a happy life with what she calls her "new brain" began early on a November morning in 2011. And now Im starting from the beginning. At some point I was able to communicate with my brother that I really needed to get in touch with this woman. When we came for the activities, my wife had to wheel me in, and people thought I was the patient.. Two weeks after the stroke, I nearly burned the ward to a cinder when the hospital ran a standard independent living test on me (the making of tea and toast). According to her, making a film about her struggles was the first linear thought she had after the stroke. I looked at my iPhone, but had no idea how it worked. You dont have to have had a brain hemorrhage.. My Beautiful Broken Brain combines her many iPhone recordingscapturing her experience became an obsession in the face of faulty short-term memoryinterviews shot by the documentarian Sophie Robinson beginning just weeks after the hemorrhage, and special effects footage that re-creates the terrifying fever-dream experience of being inside Sodderlands malfunctioning brain, a world she compares to the Red Room in David Lynchs Twin Peaks. To make sense of what had happened, the former film producer documented her feelings and experiences with her therapies, physiological changes and a newly acquired communication disorder called aphasia through video clips that were turned into a full-length feature film called My Beautiful Broken Brain. As part of her recovery she designed a motivational psychological programme and she has now developed the app "Recovery After a Brain Injury" to help people faced with similar challenges. During that first strange, solitary fortnight, I had an idea myfirst linear thought. I realised I didnt know the names of any of my body parts, and started to cry. Faced with the prospect of growing old and dying alone, he eventually decides to wake up a second passenger', Is nothing sacred? IDFA AMSTERDAM. Butbeforethe end of the therapy, Lotje experiences generalized seizure and is taken to the hospital. Lotjeis a fighter and she has the good fortune to have access to therapy. I would then spend a further 140 minutes a day on the laptops visual and sonic word repetition training app. Trained as a paramedic during his national service days, Mr Tan instinctively called for an ambulance immediately. After suffering a stroke at age 34, a woman documents her struggles, setbacks and eventual breakthrough as she relearns to speak, read and write. JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. This year, I fell in love, a terrifying prospect when operating a new brain. Every cast member you would expect will be back to collect their paychecks, which might require a crane, The Finding Nemo sequel will focus on Ellen DeGeneres' forgetful blue tang fish. The whole of this film has always been quite serendipitous, and sort of reacting to instinct rather than logic. Every three minutes and 27 seconds, someone in the UK has a stroke. Through extensive in-patient and out-patient rehabilitation that included occupational therapy, speech therapy, visits with both a psychologist and psychiatrist, she makes a profound recovery, despite the post-seizure regression she experienced following the experimental transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) treatments. Lotje Sodderland, who filmed her recovery from a stroke at the age of 34 Credit: Netflix Every three minutes and 27 seconds, someone in the UK has a stroke. I had spent the weekend with friends, watching fireworks over London, and trying to make impossible things happen for a deadline at work, where I was a documentary producer. I was so sad to be slow and stupid again. I'm not able to work to the same level, and multi-task,as I did before. Shed had a brain hemorrhage, the result she would eventually find out, of a vascular abnormality that developed before birth. Watch Vogue.coms most popular videos now: By signing up you agree to our User Agreement and Privacy Policy & Cookie Statement. When you hear someones just had a brain hemorrhage, youre not going to say no. Here she meets scientists using technology to repair "broken" brains. Meditation is something I just didnt understand before the stroke, but it has really helped me deal with the effects ofpanic attacks, which I still suffer from occasionally. When Mrs Tan regained consciousness, Mr Tan also had to manage his wifes agitation towards her weakened condition and new disability called aphasia. But no more than the average Lynch fan. When Lotje Sodderland woke up in hospital following a stroke, she charted her recovery by making videos on her iPhone. We met. Another change is that Ican access the creative part of my brain more easily. He subsequently became an executive producer on the film, "which definitely didn't hurt, having his name on your poster" notes Robinson. She has now recovered, but requires dozens of daily iPhone reminders to compensate for her unreliable short-term memory. Please, Lotje Sodderland thought her brain damage meant the end of her love life. Here, she speaks to Telegraph Women about the day she became a different person. She makes it to a local hotel but she cant speak and so she cant explain whats wrong. I had no idea how to meditate and was too fragmented to listen to the teacher, but the sweet silence of the shrine room had me instantly hooked. But this is a good opportunity to figure out who your real friends are and let them go. I looked around and saw patients in various states of disablement: some were comatose, some were talking to themselves; one, a GuillainBarr syndrome survivor, lay in bed reading. One night, Lotjegoes out to watch fireworks in London, herhometown, and at the end of the evening, she goes home and goes to bed. Soon after Iwas born, my parents broke up, and my mother, my older brother, Jan, and I moved three times before I was 16, when we ended up in London. (laughs), I had to figure out for myself that I was never going to be the same as before and find out how can I work with the new me and see the beauty and positivity in my new limitations.. He explained: The paramedics had seen a bottle of cough syrup in the bedroom and assumed the worst. I couldn't speak at first, or read, and my thoughts were not linear or logical. Iremembered trying to blink the blindness away, my hand lurching wildly into space, searching for my phone but the grids were everywhere. I had to figure out for myself that I was never going to be the same as before and find out how can I work with the new me and see the beauty and positivity in my new limitations. Large parts of the film consist of material filmed by herself on her iPhone. Founded in 2018 by volunteer speech therapists, Aphasia SG aims to create a community where patients with aphasia can bond and speak comfortably at their flagship programme, Chit Chat Cafe. "I went to meet her the day after she got out of hospital," says Robinson. They realised that the recovery process can feel monotonous without some spontaneity. I struggled to find the logic in a toothbrush, or the system that goes with the washing of hair, even though I knew (without really understanding) that these behaviours were a necessary part of human life. I encourage patients to find creative or unique outlets to express themselves and understand their emotions in non-traditional ways other than writing and reading. Before, I weighed my quality of life according to how busy I was, both at work and socially. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. Please, The subscription details associated with this account need to be updated. The documentary does a great job showing thatstroke-related disability is often not only a loss of one function or another, it is a perturbation of ones entire existence, of ones self-image. 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